learning to live inside my calendar (but looser)

calendars used to feel like tiny prisons. blocks of time filled with things i didn’t remember agreeing to.

for a while, i rebelled. no schedule. no alarms. just vibes. and honestly? that was worse. missed things. forgot birthdays. said yes to everything until my body gave me the middle finger.

i started scheduling again (but less strict), for example 7am – 10am on Monday mornings for writing (even if i just stare at the wall). wednesday nights for reading in the bath. fridays for whatever. or nothing.

i started blocking time, so I can have more time to do things which I am genuinely curious to do.

a friend said to me once: “you don’t need more time. you need less noise in your time.” felt like a slap. in a good way.

some stuff that made a difference:

  • stopped stacking things back to back
  • color coded by how the task made me feel (red = dread, green = ease)
  • switched to a paper planner. digital ones feel like spreadsheets with anxiety
  • scheduled joy. like, literally wrote down “sunset” or “call someone kind”

no fancy system. just breathing room.

next post’s a little heavier. because slowing down doesn’t always feel good. sometimes it just feels loud, in a different way.

what i forgot when i left the city

i thought i’d miss the buzz. the late-night options. the anonymity.

but mostly i remembered things. the way silence outside isn’t empty. birds, wind, a door creaking two streets away.

walking with no destination started to feel less structured, and more like walking. if that makes sense, in some wierd way.

the city taught me how to move fast. how to scan a crowd. how to keep headphones in even when nothing’s playing.

leaving it taught me how to stand still. how to hear things i didn’t know i’d been muting.

some things that came without trying:

  • i started composting.
  • i hang clothes outside now.

sometimes i miss the ease of everything at my fingertips. but i wouldn’t trade it back. the pace is more pleasent here.

next post? how all of this, somehow, made me healthier than i’ve ever been, without trying to be.